I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
