i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
