Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
