Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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