I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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