I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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