I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
