Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
