I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Shame - the story of my life.
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