She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When did angry sex become our thing?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The air taste purple.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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