Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
