Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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