just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
