she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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