MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
