She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
