we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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