i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
