Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
