Please, let me fuck your mom
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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