My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
