i was born a porn star she said
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
