Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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