who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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