No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
