I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He passed out mid-signature
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
