he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
