woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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