You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am one with the molecules
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
