I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When are your genitals available?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
