Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
