I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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