she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
