wanna go halves on a baby?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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