Fine. I'll sleep in my office
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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