he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
