babies were throwing up all over the place
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
