dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think I am morally bankrupt
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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