did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
