Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
where does the pee come out of this thing
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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