Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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