She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
