Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
