I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
