My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
