then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
