She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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