wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This is my gift to your gina
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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