New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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