Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
